It’s that time of the year when Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. This so-called love holiday can make a lot of people on edge. There’s countless pressure to flaunt your relationship and make everybody envy how wonderful it is. But for many couples out there it’s not that simple. Being in a successful relationship is not just about love. Even though I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic, I have grown to realize that there’s so much more involved in making a relationship work. Does this make me a relationship expert? By all means no. But I wanted to share with you my life lessons and why love is not enough for a good relationship. My hope is that you can take these tips and work with your partner to make your relationship even stronger.
Why Love Is Not Enough For A Good Relationship
Be Patient And Understanding
When I was younger I always thought that all I wanted was to love and be loved. And that is still true to this day. But as I grow as a person and in my relationship with my partner I realize that love is not just some abstract feeling. Just being in love is not enough for a good relationship. Why? Because life can get in the way. As your dating situation changes and now you’re deeper into your relationship life gets more hectic. You tent to focus on other things and your relationship can slowly suffer. You’re no longer going out on exciting fun dates and now you’re spending more regular time together. As you maneuver through your daily tasks many issues can arise. Long working hours or taking care of kids can make both partners tried, annoyed, irritated and frustrated. This can bleed into your romantic relationship and create unnecessary tension.
When this occurs arguments can easily happen. That’s when you really need to dig deep inside and pull out that patience and understanding. As they say patience is a virtue and not all of us can master it right away. But we can surely try our best. Instead of snapping at your partner when they don’t do something right away put yourself in their shoes. Everybody does things a little differently so you must take that into consideration before you react too swiftly. I know that’s sometimes easier said than done. Believe me, I’ve done it myself. And I’m certainly not proud of it. But I’m willing to work at it. And you must do too if you want to keep your relationship healthy. In this case you can clearly see that just having love is not enough to ensure you have a great relationship. You actually need to work together to make it last.
Have Meaningful Conversation
We’re all so busy with our lives that sometimes we simply forget to talk. And when I say talk I mean a real meaningful conversation and not just your laundry or to-do list. We’re often so quick to criticize each other and only point out all the things our partner is doing wrong. People have forgotten how to talk to each other and technology has made it even worse. There’s so much being said or not being said over text messaging. Most people don’t even talk over the phone anymore. How about sitting down with your partner and starting up a conversation about something you read or an idea you heard? Open up the lines of communication and discuss some interesting topics. This will help you understand each other better and relate to each other. In any relationship communication is the key. Learn to communicate with each other in all aspects of your life.
Don’t Fight Dirty
Even in the most amazing relationships arguments will happen. It’s pretty much unavoidable. But how you react to an argument can make all the difference. Getting into a shouting match with your partner is never a good idea. If you really want to blow off steam go for a run or take a kickboxing class at the gym but don’t take your frustration out on your partner. Most arguments happen over some kind of misunderstanding. So instead of arguing try to listen to what your partner is saying and take time to process it. Don’t be quick to judge simply by the words being said. People communicate differently and sometimes have a hard time expressing what they mean.
It’s very important to understand what is being said and how you and your partner feel about it. There’s a way to discuss things without it turning into a huge nasty argument. And never bring up any old unresolved issues in the same argument because that only makes things worse. If there’s something that’s bothering you about your partner’s behavior find another time to sit down and gently bring up the issue at hand. And please refrain from any name calling, berating or making your partner feel small or stupid. You wouldn’t want to feel that way yourself so why would you subject the person you love to that kind of treatment. Fighting dirty can only lead to further resentment and over time can surely bring down your relationship.
It’s The Small Things That Count
There’s something to be said about the small sweet gestures that go a long way. You don’t have to do grand gestures to show someone you love them. There’s so many sweet little things that you can do to let your partner know that you care about them. I’m not saying that grand gestures are bad, but not everybody needs or even wants that kind of attention in their life. Once in a while you can go all out, if you want to, and if you know your partner will appreciate it. But that is not what will keep the fire burning. It’s knowing those little things your partner loves and doing them simply because you love them.
Here are a few ideas of sweet things you can do to show you care:
- Make breakfast in bed
- Write a sweet note and put it in their wallet or suitcase
- Surprise them with flowers
- Make them a tasty sandwich for work
- Text them unexpectedly just to tell them you love them
- Pick up their laundry
- Make their favorite dish for dinner
- Give them a massage
- Plan a surprise birthday party
- Plan a fun date night
Spice Things Up – Not Just On Valentine’s Day
We all hear about spicing things up on Valentine’s Day right? Well, that’s all great but it can’t possibly be the only time of the year you actually put some effort to make things special. If it is then are you really being a loving partner? You have to ask yourself that question. I believe it’s so important to take time to be together. I know it gets more complicated once you have kids or demanding jobs but you still need to make the time. It doesn’t have to be very elaborate because as they say it’s the thought that counts. Don’t let the romance go out of your relationship. Even if you’re not that romantic to begin with you can always think of something sweet to do together.
The important thing here is the intimacy you share together. Remember the things you did when you started dating. And how excited you were to see that person. How you used to get those nervous butterflies in your stomach right before you saw them. I know you can’t go back in time and experience it all again but you can bring back some of that fun and happiness into your existing relationship. Even if you’re just staying in and having dinner alone together you can still make it a bit more special. Dress up in that new gorgeous dress you bought for a special occasion and wear those stockings and high heels. If you want some sexy ideas for Valentine’s Day and any other occasions check out my post all about fun and sexy lingerie trends here.
But it’s not just the ladies that can spice things up; guys can do it too. Make a bath for the two of you or arrange a nice dinner with candle light and take-out so there’s no cooking involved. And if you know your lady likes a certain look on you wear her favorite shirt or those sexy boxer shorts and let things go from there. If you do that at least once a month or even just a few times a year it will help your relationship from going stale.
Being in love is a beautiful feeling. But simply feeling love is not enough to sustain a good relationship. There is going to be a lot of hard work to go with it. Relating to and understanding another human being is not always easy. There’s going to be bumps along the way and you need to learn how to communicate with each other. Don’t take things for granted and let the romance go out of your relationship. You need to put some effort into being good to each other and remember what brought you together in the first place. Life can get in the way but you can ensure that your relationship stays strong and continues to flourish year after year.
What do you think of my tips? What do you do to keep your relationship strong? Share with me in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
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This was a fun read. Lots of great tips for working on your relationship. It’s so important to build something that isnt just about love.
Thanks so much Kimberly. I totally agree with you. Thanks for checking out the blog 🙂
Wow. This is an awesome post. I totally agree with you that love is not enough. You definitely have to put some work in. I love your tips too. When my husband and I first started dating, I would write notes and put them in his suits. He loves wearing suits and got a kick out of finding these little notes on Sunday at church.
Oh that’s so wonderful Toni. My boyfriend and I used to leave each other notes on the kitchen counter and I loved getting those. We still do little sweet stuff. I sometimes leave him a treat in his lunch bag without letting him know. It’s the little special touches that go a long way. Thanks for reading the article ?
These are really great reminders. I’ll definitely be taking time to focus on these things and NOT just at Valentines Day.
That’s great to hear Mary.
Two people need to understand each others well
That is true.
I agree with all these points! As a happily married woman I can say hubby and I implement all these things and also for us we put God first and are on the same page. Although we have external challenges our relationship is solid because we are in alignment on our views and practice the points you mentioned. Great post for couples and those looking for love.
I’m so happy to hear that Kamira. So good for you. Thanks for visiting the blog 🙂
This is such a great post! Just in time for Valentine’s. My husband and I are young (30), but we have been together for 16 years in March (married 9 1/2). So very true.
Oh wow, that’s great to hear. You give me hope then. Keep that love strong ❤️
This is such wise post! I was (and still am) a hopeless romantic and so its tough to remember that relationships actually require some work and effort to make them last! I will keep in mind your tips the next time I get into a relationship.
Glad you enjoyed the tips. I wish you luck in your next relationship!
So many great tips. But I love how real it is love is nice bit of really isn’t enough. Relationships are so much more complicated than love! Thanks for sharing a great post Xxx
Absolutely Tahnee! That is indeed true.
Oh my….love sweet love.
I loved most especially the part you talked about what you can do to show love and the part you talked about understanding, patience, little things that count and having meaningful conversations.
Many people might not know that these are crucial but though I am not in any relationship right now, I have almost gotten into some. So, I know and have been reminded by you to be patient and make sure both partners understand themselves. Non-communication(which includes meaningful conversations to know the person more) and not taking note that little things count is one of the causes of broken relationships and marriages today.
It was nice read girl! ?
I absolutely agree with your Enele. If only more people took it more seriously I think there would be more successful and long lasting relationships out there.
Yes. Very true! ❤
I soooo agree with this! Love is definitely not enough to maintain a long and healthy relationship even if it is also necessary! Couples (and even friends) need to do so much more for their important other and especially respect and understanding are key! Also communication and basically everything else you’ve mentioned!
Glad you’re on the same page girl 🙂
The things you said are so true. I am in a long distance relationship now for over a year, and I understand that is requires some effort to keep it going, no matter how much we are in love with each other.
Oh that must be hard girl. Long-distance can be a real challenge. I wish you guys lots of happiness.
I love this! I completely agree!
I love this! I have always said that valentines is just a day and we should be treating our partner like that every day.
Oh for sure Fayelala. It’s no different than any other day. So respect and affection is crucial.
These are wonderful reminders that could be implemented throughout the year. Great advice and thanks for sharing!
Happy to hear that you enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the kind words.
I wish more people would think about the small gestures. All those little things add up. Let me real. Anyone can spend copious amounts of money, but the little things show big efforts
Yes I always thought that as well!
I loved reading this post! Great tips and reminders 🙂
Thank you very much for visiting.
Great tips. I totally agree with the meaningful conversation and the small things. This is something we work on constantly.
Absolutely the point I was trying to get across 🙂
Oh this was a good one. I love talking about love and everything about love. My problem is I still can’t find someone who is in the same wavelength as me in that dept. <3
Oh Iva, I sincerely wish you that you find that special someone very soon. Happy Valentine’s Day ?
Your post is so wonderful and true. Love is taking the time and energy to learn about each other and understanding and patience. Someday I will find love!
Oh how nicely said. I wish you love ❤️